My first strip show !!! – Part 1
Yeah, that’s right. But before I get into the actual ‘event’, let me take you all through a few incidents :
I have mentioned it so many times by now- I am a fat person and have always been fat. There was a time when I actually looked thin, but even then, people called me fat which, I think, is because I had some extra pound of flesh than my contemporaries! I have been trying different ways to reduce my weight right from my childhood – jogging, cycling, karate (yeah!), skipping, dieting! My mom used to wake me up at five in the morning and literally push me out of the house for jogging. But, the lazy one that I am, would be walking on the streets, in my own world, ala Ishaan in Taare Zameen Par. The moment I see my dad, who leaves home at around 6.30 am for work, I start running and I still remember that smirk on his face for he knew clearly that it was a fake jog. I loved my karate classes though, but had to discontinue it because of all those tuitions and homework that I had to catch up on after reaching home.
But, you know what, the reason behind my weight has got something to do with the wind or water in UAE, because I started reducing after I reached and stayed back in India. However, certain portion of fat remained as it is on my body and that used to give me one helluva time back then. Many of them advised to me to get enrolled in a gym and turn all that fat into muscles! Now, can you all imagine a muscular me? Well, I couldn’t ! Luckily, people in Kerala weren’t that health conscious during those days and there were only these pocket road gyms where you get to see people rotating those ‘elephantiasis affected baseball bats’ (never bothered to know what the actual name is)
I really don’t remember how and why, but I joined one of those pocket road gyms along with two of my best friends. There weren’t any treadmills, cross trainers or cycles; but, only weights, fat baseball bats and some horizontal poles. No name for the gym, no trainers, no coolers, no restrooms; but, just a thin watchman who was as old as the hills, a small room with so many sweaty muscle men and an open area with those poles! It was my first experience at a gym and didn’t look anything like what it was in the movies. We went for about two days to that sick place and then quit; it was bo-ho-ring! And, yeah , people also scared me by saying that my vertical growth will stop once I start pumping my muscles. Short and muscular- I would’ve looked like Aamir in Ghajini; not that it was bad, it was just so bloody odd! But, the funny part is I never grew vertically even after quitting gym!!
That was in 1998 and my next tryst with a gym was 9 years later; in 2007. Till then, I kept doing work outs on my own; so much so that once I even got a ligament tear on my right leg, behind the knee. I had to visit physiotherapists and people who belonged to that department to ‘mend’ my leg. Oh, sometimes, it was worse; I had to literally be like Spiderman whenever I used the Indian closet to just get up from that, you know, position!
And, this gym, that I joined in 2007, had a name – The Muscle Mechanic ! Well, the name was no inspiration to go, and there weren’t any other mode of inspirations too for a guy in his mid 20’s, if you know what I mean. I opted for their monthly plan because I wasn’t sure if I would continue for more than 15 days. And, I wasn’t wrong; I have always had belief in myself. I visited the gym for that whole month, but with breaks in between. Every two days, I had pain on my arms and legs because of the work out, and that made me sit at home! Once I feel ok, I would visit the gym again to get all the pain back and take rest once again. This continued for a while and I got bo-ho-red of this routine too.
That same year, one of my colleagues joined this hifi international gym (name withdrawn to avoid unnecessary and annoying hits; it IS that famous) near our office and kept promoting the features and facilities at the gym to everybody in office. I decided to give it a try, even though it was a bit expensive than the normal gyms. But then, it wasn’t a normal gym too; I had all the right kind of inspirations inside, including a juice bar!! I got lured by his marketing skills and joined this place for a three month subscription, with a hidden philosophy that if I pay more, I will have an obligation to go regularly. Now, since it was located near my office, I gym-med (pardon me you english maniacs, that word actually sounds good), took bath from the gym itself, had a glass of flavored soya milk and then left to office. Aaaah, that was life! This new routine kept continuing and, guess what, I even started showing improvement. My colleagues kept embarrassing me in office about the way I walk or jog on the treadmill. But yeah, I wouldn’t blame them; I get to see myself on the mirror when I use the treadmill and I must admit guys, I walk like a pregnant duck!!
Whatever, I went regularly for a month when tragedy came in the form of an office get together. You know how these Indian office parties are, initially very sober and just when they serve food, they would start the DJ. Yeah, I got into the dance floor that day to exhibit my Govinda steps (now don’t give me that ewww look; Govinda steps aren’t that bad. I try the same steps even for the western tracks). Probably Govinda didn’t like me copying his steps that day, because the moment I entered the floor, I tripped and hurt my left leg. But you get this energy from nowhere when you listen to those tamil fast numbers and so, I continued dancing- for two hours – non-stop. I got back home with a huge foot; consulted a doc the next day and realized that I have a ligament tear (a new one) near my ankles. I was asked to stay away from the gym for the next three months. So much for all the three months subscription; I was bed ridden for a few days with a prescription!! Woah, subscription and prescription; I could be a poet. Anyway, you know what happens when you suddenly stop going to the gym, right? Yeah, I started bloating up again. To add to that, because of the leg, I turned into a partially immovable asset, ok, liability, which helped in converting whatever I ate into whatever we all hate – fat !!!
Three months went by, and I joined the same gym; had to literally fight with them to enroll me for free since I had two more months remaining as per the subscription. But you just can’t change destiny, can you? I chose a Sunday to visit the gym; went in the morning and came back home with a sense of achievement. That evening, there was a concert by A.R.Rahman and though I had a VVIP entry pass, I wasn’t let in by the cops because of the huge crowd. I waited restlessly for an hour outside the venue when I saw a couple of guys climbing a wall and jumping into the ground. “Hmmmmmmmmmm…..”I thought !!! There was a transformer near the wall which helped me get on top of the wall. Just then, I saw the cops shouting at me asking me to get down. I had no other choice but to jump, because if I got down, the cops would have rewarded me with a few lathi shaped marks on my rear. The wall while getting on top would have been only 8 foot or so, but I had to actually go a long way down, like about 10 foot. And, while jumping, this was what I was shouting inside my mind—- “ Vimaaall, you are NOT 7, you ARE 27” !!!!
Thummmppp !!! Thud ! Thud ! Thud !!
to be continued……