Whatever happened to Superman’s underwear ?

Disclaimer : It has nothing to do with the new Superman movie and is hardly about the Superhero himself. It’s only about his underwear 😛 😛

This post is probably coming out really late, but I am still clueless on what happened to Superman. He has always been this mentally challenged superhero who didn’t know how to dress; the red underwear always over the blue pants he wore. But now, look at him closely; doesn’t he appear vulgar to you all?

So, has the retard finally started putting things in the right place? That can’t be the reason, because Superman was never allowed to grow up. We always wanted him to be this handsome guy who saves the world and then appear as a totally different person just by sporting a spectacle, sulking for Lois Lane throughout his life. When I watched the promos of the new Superman movie, I couldn’t help but notice the guys new look. I initially thought that the plotline had something to do with his underpants and him fighting with the super villain to get it back, who apparently stole it from Superman’s backyard where it was left for drying. But alas, it’s not what I imagined. People all over the world are dying to know the reason. There are various sites in the internet which lead you to this topic and there is also a page in FB dedicated for this cause. It is certainly a serious issue that is bothering the world and we Indians, as usual, aren’t doing anything about it.

I know it’s a fashion these days to blame the government for everything, but why aren’t they taking any initiative to solve the mystery! Our PM, as usual, is quiet. Not that I expect to hear anything out of him unless it’s Republic / Independence Day, but what happened to his ministers. They were always good at being out spoken and coming up with really creative statements like ‘Hearty meal available for Rs.12 ’ or for shamelessly calling their own colleague an ‘Item’. I am telling you, this government is really hopeless; they are just not worried about the feelings of a common man. Leave the ruling party, the opposition has also not been doing their job! They have not created any stir on this matter which is a very bad sign; total disregard for democracy, I say! However, I am glad that neither the ruling nor the opposition accused any of our neighbours for the whole underwear issue; poor fellas, one is busy fixing tents across India and the other is busy hiding really important people in their country and then denying it.

While the ruling and opposition are constantly trying to find faults with each other, it has been the minorities who always came forward to react for the right causes. Mind you, only for the right causes! Early this year they had saved India and its citizens from the evil clutches of a man named Kamal Haasan; they managed to stop the screening of one of his harmless movies for almost a month. The superhero community in India is one such minority, comprising of duds like Krishh, G.One, Drona, Doga and Shaktimaan. But none of these guys came out to support Superman or even help him find his underwear. I am sure, this subject would’ve been taken up seriously had Superman been a Marathi, or if he at least had some Marathi connection. No hartals, no press meets, no hunger strikes; we, in India, are used to nation-wide bandh for these kind of issues!!! Which reminds me, what happened to all those countless jobless Babas and fake Gandhians (the adjective can be used either wise; wouldn’t make a difference)? They would’ve easily received publicity on an international scale only if they had conducted some hunger strike at the Times Square in New York or near the Big Ben in London. Apparently, the ‘Gandhian’ we all know is leading an Independence Day parade in New York tomorrow and I just hope he takes up this issue; better late than never!

Speaking of publicity, I wonder why Bollywood has also not reacted to this yet. The whole film fraternity was sad when a film actor turned part-time terrorist turned film actor again was sent to jail for a crime he actually committed, but nobody, no single soul, to think about Superman. I mean, is this the kind of respect we give to a person who has been ‘trying’ to save our world for so long? Take your ‘co-star’ for vacations to Spain, but please don’t turn your head away from basic responsibilities. To be honest, I was waiting for Aamir to raise this concern in some forum, but the poor guy speaks only when his movie is about to release or when his show is about to air on TV. You can’t blame him, old habits die hard. The other two supposedly super stars have always been socially irresponsible, and all that they care about now is to find a public place to hug each other, so that the media can wag their tongues behind them for a fortnight asking, “Why did you hug?”, “How was the hug?”, “Will you keep hugging from now on?”, “When will be the next hug”, etc.

I really don’t understand how the media works. As far as I know, they have been keen and have always shown enthusiasm to cover significant themes like ‘wardrobe malfunction’. This was like the Mother of all wardrobe malfunction and yet no coverage in print or visual. And again, of all the people, how come Arnab is quiet ? How did he manage to survive so far without making even one comment on the underwear? There should’ve been countless ‘one man debates’ by now considering the gravity of the situation. Expecting him to be silent is like watching white crows fly upside down on a snowy day in Rajasthan!!! Why do I get the feeling that there is a conspiracy, a global conspiracy, behind this? The media, the politicians and the celebrities of India, all have their index finger on their respective mouth, like obeying instructions from some bigger power!

I am equally surprised why the social media, and particularly, the bloggers in India chose to remain hushed this time. This is when we should’ve initiated another Chaddi campaign. Imagine the kind of international ‘exposure’ we would’ve got. Many of us, as usual, could’ve simply signed online petitions and felt ecstatic about what we did. And not to forget, patting on our own back and making tall claims like, “Oh, I have contributed a lot to the society”, all this without nudging a muscle from our arm chair. But it’s too late now to react. Or, is it?
Too many questions, but no convincing answer! But if anybody reading this has, I would appreciate if you could kindly come forward and explain. I have been having sleepless nights thinking about Superman’s plight. I have never been this worried about anybody’s underwear, not even mine! I need help! We all need help!

The world is definitely going through one of its toughest times. I hope atleast the officials in UN assemble to find a solution to this grave issue. People, you must understand, Superman isn’t somebody for US alone; he is a world-wide property! If a superhero like him can lose his underwear, how safe are we in this world?? Think about it !!!