Disclaimer : None of the incidents or feelings expressed in this post is exaggerated, but I request you all to take it in the right spirit. And like how I always write- in case you don’t have the latest version of sense of humour installed in your brain, please do it ASAP.
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They say the world ends by Dec 21st 2012. But my world ends in another 5 days !!!
My good old bachelor days are soon getting over! During childhood, I thought exams were tough; then during college, I assumed getting a job was difficult, but now, I know what the real difficulty or tough situation is – Marriage. Oh, the words that come along with marriage is really scaring me – commitment, understanding, relationship, bond, togetherness, love, kids, time, dependence, arguments, listening, noise, nagging, sacrifices, groceries, money, home, and a lot of sighing !!
Well then, you can ask me why I agreed for a marriage if I was against it or wasn’t ready for it. Read the following two conversations and you will understand why :
Me : Boss, I need a day shift. Its been three years and I am fed up of this night shift. Its affecting my health too.
Boss : We don’t have an opening now Vimal. Ok, heres a plan, we will give you a day shift once you announce your wedding date. That’s when you need it most, right ?
Me : (Whaat ?) Uh, hmmm… ok !
(ON PHONE)
Mom : Dad has been pleading for a few of your solo snaps. Whats wrong with you? Why cant you send us some ?
Me : I don’t want to get married. Leave me alone. If you want to see me happy, then stop all this search.
Mom : Ok then, if that’s your decision, then even I have something to tell. If you aren’t getting married, then we are planning to join some ashram and live there for the rest of our lives.Dad from behind: “what do you mean ‘We’ ?” He then snatches the phone from mom and :
Dad : She is going alone to the ashram. I am not !!
Me : Thanks dad.
Dad : and while your mother is away, I shall get married again.
Me : Whaaaaaaaaaattt ?
Dad : So what if you don’t want a company? I do ! I hope you are ok with that.
Me : FINE. Keep searching. You will receive the photos tomorrow !!
They started the bride hunt once again, but this time very rigorously. My brother and sis-in-law who were silent all these while suddenly came into the picture and assisted mom and dad. My bro created profiles in two different sites and I was supposed to log in every day and search for prospective brides. All those matrimonial sites are hilarious, I tell you; me and my colleagues used to have a look at these profiles after our office hours and we used to have a hearty laugh going through some of them.
I was so critical of all the proposals that I received and kept rejecting each one of them; oh, some of them rejected me too 
Since the whole thing was in a typical arranged wedding model, the girls physical appearance is, obviously, an important criteria. I don’t want to sound like a hypocrite and make the most clichéd statement – Ohh, I don’t go by looks ! Everyone does that if its an arranged marriage ! You can blame Shakespeare and his ‘Love is blind’ only if the wedding is because of your own mistake called love. Once, when I was unable to decide on a particular proposal, I asked my childhood friend Vinayan for help and this is what he said – “Vimal, you are getting married. She is going to be there with you day and night. Every morning, when you wake up, you would have to see the same face. Are you sure you can see this same face every DAY till the rest of your life ? That’s all I got to say.” With friends like this around me, how do you expect me to be normal ? 
But he wasn’t wrong totally. There IS something called physical compatibility !
This bride-searching through different kinds of matrimonial sites kept happening for more than 6 months continuously and today, even if any of those girls walk down the streets, I could easily recognize them ! One fine day, dad send me Laxmis pics with her ‘CV’ :D I couldn’t find anything wrong with her snap or profile and moreover by then, I felt really bad for penalizing dad and mom for all the running around they had been doing to get me a bride. So I said a ‘yes’ for the next step – meeting her. Well, I couldn’t say no to the girl with her snaps or profile; but what if she rejects me after the meet ?? That was my wish too, so I wore a dark grey ‘dirty looking’ tee and a dirty denim. But fate was in my parents favor and definitely not in mine and Laxmis. She deserves a better guy! The way I said yes after meeting her was also funny – after meeting her, I came out of her home and was supposed to meet her ailing uncle who lived next door. I was busy tying my shoe lace when my dad came out and asked me if I liked the girl. I looked at him, but before even I could open my mouth to reply, I noticed that her mom was standing just behind my dad. Now, I cant say ‘no’(that would be too rude); I cant even say, “Shes oook” (how do I rate a girl in front of her mother?), so I nodded my head in agreement and simply walked away. By the time I came back from her uncles place, the parents were done with all their discussions on the wedding!! They got along really well with each other and everyone including my parents seemed happy and contended. What else do I need ? I just went with the flow since then. But I am glad things turned out this way. Our parents are always right and their decision never goes wrong, it never went wrong for me atleast.
Even though everything happened before even I could blink my eyes properly, both me and Laxmi were given two months to understand before getting engaged and almost 5 months for the big day. But my commitment phobia only increased with each day. I started seeing weird images just like how mirages are seen in deserts. I could listen to people speak even they are mouths are zipped. For example; when I went to the jewelry store to get my engagement ring, there was this guy at the entrance to greet us and I am dead sure that I heard him say – “Ladies and Gentleman, we have another person for the ‘dig-your-own-grave’ competition. Please help him with his handcuffs”. Handcuffs, seriously ! No wonder people named the engagement-wedding phase as COURTSHIP !!!
People find it hard to believe, but I couldn’t sleep and had high temperature the day before my engagement. I experienced a similar rise in temperature and also dysentery for a couple of days just after I gave orders for the wedding invitation. And now, I really don’t know whats going to happen on the d-day. A couple of days back, during one of our conversation, she mentioned that she has never been this tensed in her life before
(cant blame her) and has butterflies in her stomach already. Huh, butterflies in her stomach it seems. I have been having them in my intestine right after the engagement!!
Well, we are not the only ones who are scared of this whole wedding thing. On my last working day in office as a bachelor, I was mentioning to a few of my colleagues -
Me : Oh God !! I am shit scared of marriage !!
Colleague 1 : ((Goofy laugh ))
Colleague 2 : Arey, don’t be! Just….
Colleague 3 (before even colleague 2 could complete) : Ya, dude, even I am scared of YOUR wedding !The rest of them joined colleague 1 in his goofy laugh and all I could do was leave a deep sigh!
I am telling you guys, this is going to end up as the worlds clumsiest wedding ever for which I am aiming an entry in the Guinness Books. I am pretty much sure that in my fear and general stupidity, I am going to make a mess of myself with all those customs and traditions. Fortunately, our mallu (kerala) weddings are like Maggi noodles – just two minutes. It’s the post marriage functions that drain our energy. Speaking of post marriage functions, these days honeymoon has become more or less like a mandatory custom. No marriage is complete without it. Its like, one is supposed to or else the marriage would be jinxed. Ugh !! The time anyone gets engaged, the next question from people is- “where have you guys planned for your honeymoon?” ; just like how those newly wedded couples get asked, “when are you planning a baby?”. I am sure people are going to ask me this ‘when baby’ question just after I tie the wedlock and walk down the aisle!
All this fear of mine, I guess, is because of my willingness to not change my way of living after wedding. For the last few years, I have been living all alone in this huge apartment. Even during my stay with Sujith, I used to live according to my whims and fancies and over the years, I had drawn an imaginary circle around me that I used to feel uncomfortable when anyone gets into the circle intruding my space. The first few months or even years are going to be really tough for me, probably for her too. And after that, like so many other marriages, we would have to get used to it !!
My friends have already started asking me if I would change a lot after my wedding. This is to all those friends of mine :
“Guys, Vimal is the one who is getting married; Vimmuuu is not !”
First / Working title : Butterflies in my intestine.
Ohhh, that’s what I felt initially when I watched the video !! ‘Pathetic’ is too sweet a word for that video ! What were they smoking while creating the video ?
Not only does it insult the old version of the song, but also made me so disgusted that I wanted to murder the person who even thought of creating a remix !
The video opened well with ARR working on the continuum; I so wanted to see how he instrument looked like and how its played. I have been in love with the instrument ever since I heard it being played at the end of Rehna Tu (Delhi 6). Infact, all the musicians and singers performed well. I was a little disappointed with Sonu Nigam and Shaan though. While the former went a little over board with his vocal expressions, the latter was so wooden especially in the Aamir part. What happened to legendary singers like Lata, SPB, Janaki, etc. ?
The actors, except for a few, literally murdered the video. SRK overacted as usual; what was he doing in that DDLJ type pose? It was like watching Raj/Rahul singing ‘mile sur mera tumhara’ to his heroine. Someone please teach him any other way of enacting songs !! Aamir was looking idiotic and he got the most stupid part in the song; a combination of Bum bum bole and all eeej well! To be honest, the only part which I liked among the film celebrities was the one which had Salman in it; that part was well written, executed and turned out really sweet and touching. And its not because I like the actor; I am sure anyone in that role would have done it equally well. But then, where was his shirt ?? The rest of the actors did nothing but lip sync; all of them wasted ! Btw, I thought I saw a shadow of Abhishek Bachchan somewhere. Did you guys see him too ??? and since the whole Bachchan family was there, and after watching Aishwarya and Abhishek together, I was waiting for Jaya and Amar Singh to make their appearance together !!
Well, Im glad that they included the gay community; Karan Johar was awesome in that part And what on earth was Deepika wearing ? Probably, she wore something at the last minute to avoid getting her clothes wet. At a particular angle, it even looked like she was standing in the water with a shrunk nightie (the Indian ones – maxi) ! Priyanka, our national winning actress, was the worst in terms of lip sync; the music in her part had wonderful notes and she had the same facial expression throughout. Shahid showed all his frustrations with Kareena in his part ! Tamil actor Vikram did nothing but move his hands, by now, he is used to in his movies; wonder what happened to this talented actor these days! And yes, they had to get vikram and surya and avoid biggies like Kamal and Rajni !
Whatever happened to sports???? No Sachin, no Vishwanath Anand, no Sania; c’mon don’t tell me that the makers couldn’t get any of those sports celebrities on board for the shoot !! There were a couple of athletes who came in front of the camera from nowhere; no close up shots and all of them move rapidly. And no one from the police force; no scientists; no writers; no entrepreneurs; no industrialists; this was just pure filmi !!! and even if they wanted only actors in the video, there were a lot of other talented ones. They could have also put Mallika Sherawat and Rakhi Sawant in the video and even Himesh performing. I am sure, it wouldn’t have turned out any less ‘entertaining’ !
Leave the video, but did you guys listen to the way they raped the original song giving it different layers and styles ? and ooooh, the ending was simply horrendous !!! It appeared like they didn’t know how to conclude it. Complete trash ! Waste of time and waste of effort. Its very obvious that this video was made for publicity and had nothing to do with national integration or patriotism or whatever they intend to call it. Give me the old video any day; I get goosebumps even listening to it !
Check out the new Mile Sur only if you want to have an Om Shanti Om experience of watching a lot of film celebrities in one video :
PS : I know, the entire blogosphere by now is filled with the reviews on this confounded video. I wanted to write on this as and when I watched the video yesterday; didn’t find time. Better late bashing than never !!
I agree this post is a little late, but then, I had to wait atleast until mid Jan to come up with this list. How else can I do justice to the albums released that released in Dec last year?
Please note : The albums mentioned in the below lists have nothing to do with its sales or popularity. It is a very personal list and is only based on how I understand and appreciate the language of music. Also, the ratings have been arrived at considering the album as a whole instead of choosing one fav track from any of the mentioned albums.
Hindi
1. Dev D – Music : Amit Trivedi
2. Delhi 6 – Music : A.R.Rahman
3. London Dreams – Music : Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy
4. Luck By Chance – Music : Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy
5. Kaminey – Music : Vishal Bharadwaj
6. Blue – Music : A.R.Rahman
7. Tum Mile – Music : Pritam
8. Whats Your Rashee – Music : Sohail Sen
9. Ajab Prem Ki Ghazab Kahani – Music : Pritam
10. Kurbaan – Music : Salim-Sulaiman
One song wonders* :
Pocket Mein Rocket Hain – Rocket Singh; Salesman of the year
Music : Salim-Sulaiman
Paa theme – Paa
Music : Ilayaraja
Tere Naina – Chandni Chowk to China
Music : Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy
Aaj Dil Chaddeya – Love Aaj Kal
Music : Pritam
Iktara – Wake Up Sid
Music : Amit Trivedi (guest composer)
Tamil
1. Sarvam – Music : Yuvan Shankar Raja
2. Pokkisham – Music : Sabesh Murali
3. Aayirathil Oruvan – Music : G.V. Prakash Kumar
4. Aanandha Thaandavam – Music : G.V.Prakash Kumar
5. Ayan – Music : Harris Jayaraj
6. Modhi Vilayadu – Music : Hariharan-Leslie (Colonial Cousins)
7. Angaadi Theru (unreleased) – Music : G.V.Prakash Kumar
8. Vettaikaran – Music : Vijay Anthony
9. Yogi – Music : Yuvan Shankar Raja
10. Kunguma Poovum Konjipuraavum – Music : Yuvan Shankar Raja
One song wonders* :
Oru vetkam – Pasanga
Music : James Vasanth
Koode varuviya – Valmiki
Music : Ilayaraja
Kaatrile vaasamey – Yaavarum nalam
Music : Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy
Lesa Parakudu – Vennila Kabbadi Kuzhu
Music : V. Selvaganesh
Oru Kal Oru Kannadi – Siva Manasile Shakthi
Music – Yuvan Shankar Raja
Malayalam
1. Neelathamara – Music : Vidyasagar
2. Pudiya Mugham – Music : M.Jayachandran
3. Banaras – Music : M.Jayachandran
4. Bhramaram – Music : Mohan Sithara
5. Rithu – Music : Rahulraj
6. Robinhood – Music : M.Jayachandran
7. Bhagyadevata – Music : Ilayaraja
8. Pazhassi Raja – Music : Ilayaraja
9. Loud Speaker – Music : Bijibal
10. Sagar Alias Jacky Reloaded – Music – Gopi Sundar
One song wonders* –
Kadhyamama – Kerala Café
Music : Bijibal
Paleri Manickyam – Paleri Manickyam; Oru Paathira Kolapaathakathinte Kadha
Music : Sharreth
Cheru thingal thoni – Swa Le
Music : Bijibal
Muthey Muthey – Kaana Kanmani
Music : Shyam Dharman
Thottaal Pookkum — Moss and Cat
Music : Ousepachan
Telugu**
1. Leader – Music : Mickey J. Meyer
2. Oyy ! – Music : Yuvan Shankar Raja
3. Village lo Vinayakudu – Music : Manikanth Kadri
4. Kalavaramaye Madilo – Music : Sharreth
5. Baanam – Music : Mani Sharma
* The only good track in the whole album
** Could not listen to some of the releases last year and so had to restrict the list to five albums.
If pictures can speak a thousand words, I am sure videos could shout a million words !!
What words of wisdom, huh ?
Check out the below video and you will understand what I mean !!
(( The whole video is synchronised with the background score and doesnt make sense if you dont have an access to any sort of audio output. Infact, without the audio, the whole stuff would turn out to be a badly made 5 min. video ))
Here I go again with the fifth part of this never ending Europe travelogue series !!! But don’t you worry fellow blogmates, I had taken a new year resolution to complete this series atleast by the end of the year !
Continued from Part 4 :
The movie got over at 1 am and we retired back home. It was a three hours drive to Sheffield and it was raining Dinosaurs ! Kudos to Navin for driving us back home safely inspite of the weather and the bad light and yeah also me snoring in the front seat ! Reached home at around 3 ish in the morning; I had my medicines, didn’t even bother to change my clothes and crashed in the hall itself.
It was only in the morning that I realised where I slept. The previous night after the movie, I remember sitting in the car and discussing about the movie on our ride back home. That’s it ! and I also remember getting inside a lift. Gawwd, I must have slept like a pig to have forgotten everything. Rubbed my eyes and took a nice tour of the house. It was a wonderfully furnished apartment with spacious rooms and ofcourse extra quiet bathrooms. The view from their balcony was so pleasant; not great but really really pleasant ! I felt weak because of the fever and had medicines along with my breakfast. Couldn’t go out anywhere because of my health and the next couple of days were equally bad !!! I was literally bed sofa ridden with my fever and all I did was eat and watch the kids play. But I must admit, there is no other better time pass than watch kids play! The TV shows in Europe were really boring. But in the UK, atleast I could understand what they were speaking. Back in Switzerland, all the shows were in German !! My friend had some issues with their Internet at home and so no mails or blogs too; I was totally cut off from the outside world in all possible ways. However, I made it a point to go for a walk in the evenings. How long can a person be idle at home? And sob sob ! that too during vacations !!!
My stay in the UK was during the summer and according to me, the weather over there is highly unpredictable. It so happened that once when me and my friend were on our usual evening walk, it started raining heavily out of nowhere. We had to rush inside a hypermarket to escape from the rains since I already had cold. And guys, I am not making it up but as soon as we took shelter inside the shop, the rains stopped and the sun started shining at its best !! Crazy country, I tell you !
It took me a couple of days to feel better and was back to form only by the second last day of my stay in UK. Duh !!!! That evening, Navin took me and the rest of us to Peak district. Below are some of the snaps taken from there :
(From left) Anita, Kaira, Me and Karan
My camera was fed with a lot of scenery by now and we returned back home playing Tamizh kuthu (danganakka) songs in the car. Now that’s what I call real fun !!! Singing along dapaankoothu songs in a foreign location !!!
After reaching home, I started packing for the next day flight back to Swiss.
The flight was at 5 in the evening but I had to travel from Sheffield to Luton in a train which is a three hour journey. The train was at 12 in the noon and since Navin was stuck at work, Anita and her nephew, Karan had to come to see me off at the station. I got into the train and when the train started to move, I waved my hands at them; but I had that weird ‘lump in the throat’ feeling. Departures have always been depressing for me. I couldn’t take it anymore and tears started flowing down my cheeks, almost at the same speed as the train. My co-passenger would’ve thought – ‘Bloody Indian sentiments’. But what to do, that’s how I am and I hate handling such situations; I am just not good at it.
Oooh, its not over yet. Stupidity and misadventures never leaves me, right? The ticket checker, or should I say cheater, asked me where I wanted to go and I replied Luton airport. He then said that Luton city station comes before Luton airport station and asked me to get down at the city station itself. I have this idiotic habit of listening to elderly people, and so I got down taking his advise. Didn’t I mention about the unpredictable weather there? Well, when I got into the train, the weather was just fine but three hours later when I got down at Luton city station, it was like getting inside a cold storage. I was shivering and could even listen to my teeth chattering ! I had no clue as to where to go and how to reach the airport from there. So went up the stairs to find some help and I approached this black officer guy. Remember the train which I was in? Apparently, that train would have dropped me directly at the airport. I shouldve guessed so, why else should the ticket mention Luton Airport in it ! According to that officer, there are free buses to the airport just outside the station and that’s available every 15 mins. I had to walk all the way to the entrance with my teeth still chattering and board in one of the buses when all that I had to do was to not listen to the ticket cheater and sit in that same damn train !!!
I was sure that the ticket checker cheater would’ve been one of the passengers in the flight that took me to London and I would’ve scared him with my swine flu prank. So, this time inside the flight, I was as normal as I could be; no more pranks ! Reached Swiss at 11pm and narrated the whole UK trip along with fotographs to my brother and sister-in-law. Called up Anitha to tell her about my arrival but she gave me a bad news instead – Kairas got temperature and also has running nose. She shouldve got it from me and who else ! I took everything with me back to Swiss, but left my fever and cold there for Kaira; ; I felt terrible !!
Next in this series : Interlaken (Swiss)
Next post : 30 three
That’s how 2009 went by !
This was again an eventful year for me, right from the beginning. That’s right, from 12 am Jan 1st I was struggling for something which eventually went down the drains. It took me a while to bring things back under control, but aaaalll eeeej welll now !
This year has been my best online year; where I sidelined orkut completely and got into full fledged blogging. It was fun reading and commenting in blogs than replying to the repeated “Hi, how are you” scraps in orkut. And also, found a few genuine friends through this medium. Just when I thought life isn’t fair at all, some of you sprung up from no where and brought a torch that glows 24/7 Aahhh, not getting into that melodramatic and mushy area. And yes, aaaalll eeeej wellll for me now !
Anyway, speaking of blogs, I am so happy that Indyeah is finally back. No, its not because I loved her posts or something I mean, she went missing all of a sudden without any kind of notice and wasn’t even responding to mails it seems. Well, I thought she was abducted by aliens to conduct some sort of research on her blog and was scared when would my turn be ! She got engaged to a pilot and this was kept under wraps; but for what !!! The ‘Where is Indy?” was very popular in chats/gossips/ and it was also one of the topic of discussion in the recent Copenhagen meet. Our very own Hitchy ‘bhaiyya’ went on a hunger strike to bring her back to blogging. But in reality, it wasn’t a hunger strike at all. He was ogling at look alikes of Deepika/Sonam and his wife refused to cook for him. Donno if it was Kislays post or Hitchys hunger strike, but allll eeeej wellll now !
Guess what, Smita went missing in the meanwhile too ! After our joint post that got published in her blog, she was inaccessible for more than a week. When some of you asked where she was, I joked that both of us went for a trip to the Himalayas and when we stopped for a tea at a deserted area, I came driving back home all alone. Some took that statement of mine very seriously ! I received emails from some of her regulars asking where she is; a few of the book store owners called and threatened me because their DAILY sales were dipping; and of all the unexpected, Salman Khan himself called and asked me what I did to the ONLY living fan of his ! In reality, she was enjoying herself at a wedding and how I wish I could’ve dropped her at the Himlayalas all alone for all the torture I went through. But allll eejjjj well now; she is back at torturing us with her posts !
And then theres the blogospheres sweetest heart Crafty who has been missing for a while now; no posts and no crazy comments ! While the entire blogosphere missed her craziness, a few people on earth were taking advantage of that ! Such people should be banned from the face of earth. Its time we reacted to the injustice. I am talking about her office and most importantly, her boss who doesn’t even give her enough time to be ‘first!’ at all the blogs ! What pathetic human beings !! A few days back, while she was swamped in her work, I happened to send her one of my song– Jashn – e – Bahaara. It was my first song-on-request and was for Swarams husband, Su. Crafty kutty on receiving the mail took an excuse from her boss to use the restroom and in the available time, wrote a post mentioning her office trauma. The tone of her post sounded as if she was asking someone to rescue her from the clutches of the evil Don- mad Scientist Solilo ! I felt helpless (and also sleepy) and so went back home, sang the below song for her and sent it to her like a cake fresh out of the oven.
This was another song-on-request by my buddy Rakesh who literally forced me to try the song with my vocals. And yeah, also since Rakesh made the request for the song, he now wants to dedicate this song to her personally! Confused, huh? Ok, let me get it straight, its a song-on-request by Rakesh, which I dedicated to Crafty (and all you sad and troubled ones out there) because of her situation which even Rakesh wants to dedicate. Phew !! So allllll eeejjj well now???
Ok, wish you guys and gals the happiest new year ahead. Enzzzooiii the day !!!
Oooohhhh wait, aaalllll eeeejjjj NOT well. Guess what, our OG, he was missing too. Apparently, he went along with his friends to some jungle in the US. We all know how his friends are, right? Well, they returned back home not realizing that the poor guy was still stuck somewhere in that jungle and that too without a phone. Fortunately, he had a camera this time, and went on clicking photos like Sanjay Singhania/Ramasamy of Ghajini to make sure that he wasn’t going in circles. Finally, he managed to find the way out with the help of a tribal girl. Donno what happened between them, but I heard he is bringing her along with him to Chennai. After Rajamma, Dosamma, I wonder which ‘amma’ this is !! Best of luck buddy !
HAPPY NEW YEAR GUYS !!!!!
PS : This song would as usual feature in my V-mphony page as an entry.
The above picture was taken from the entrance of a popular food court here in Chennai.
Well, it really didn’t make sense that way. So I swapped the positions of the signboard and voila :
We loo on the Wet Floor !!!! Now theres a meaning, isn’t it ?
Donno if some ‘genius’ erased those letters from the signboards or it got ‘brilliantly’ faded on its own. My fiancé, her brother and her cousin were with me at that time and none of them noticed the error.
and guess what, while I was taking the snap :
Fiance (with palm on her forehead) : God, what am I getting into ?
Her brother : Great. One more crazy person in the family !
Her cousin : I need those snaps through bluetooth !
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Below is a sign found in the mens restroom in some of the leading corporate companies. The sign has no issues and its actually become a necessity in the restroom these days; there are a few idiots who still do not know how to use the toilets and the wash basin. But the moment I set my eyes on the highlighted part, I thought to myself if the author of the sign actually meant it or if it is some kind of ‘aimless’ dry joke !
Yeah, yeah, go on !! Again, I really dont know how these come only to my notice; perhaps, bathroom lies only in the eye of beholder !!
To impress a hottttt girl at the billing counter of a DVD store :
“You are about to purchase the worst movie of the decade”
The girl looks at the Paa DVD in my hand and retorts :
“Better than watching pirated movies, anytime!”
I remained totally speechless and displayed my trademark ‘smile de embarrassment’ :
“Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee !!!”
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I have been getting a lot of complaints lately stating that I am going the Indyeah way of churning out loooong posts ! First of all, I don’t write that long And secondly, all her long posts makes sense while most of mine doesn’t
So, I dedicate this post for those of you who have had a problem in reading my long posts and for those who generally do not find enough time these days to read anyones blog Well, not sure if you are going to still read it, but seriously, cant make it shorter than this !!! Now, no more complaints, ok?
Speaking of 55 –ers, I am glad Poonam decided to include a category to recognize the Best 55 er posts in the upcoming Avant Garde Bloggie Awards. No! Its not for nominating this post or any of my previous efforts. Infact, to include my kind of 55-ers, Poonam has to create a separate category – Best Nonsense in 55 words
There are quite a few bloggers out there who come up with outstanding 55ers, which I can only of dream of. I am glad that those posts are getting recognized now and heres a sincere ‘best of luck’ for all the bloggers participating in the category.
And before I end, I now understand what people have been telling me. Gosh, I seriously need an editor !! kahaan se … kahaan tak !!! In OGs words, sheeeshu !!!
This post has been selected by Blog Padda for their Mundane Monday Pick of the week. Guys, thanks a lot for all the encouragement; this time even before publishing this post
Disclaimer : The content of the post is purely fictitious but the comments written after that are not; you would find resemblances to some of your posts and to your own style of commenting. I have included comments from 40+ bloggers and a few comments threading here and there. For the same reason, the post might ‘appear’ long, but it actually isn’t. and yes, this is my 200th post and I am going in to hiding after this
The Post
It was 10 am. The pink panther ringtone in my mobile rang and I was trying to find out where my mobile was in the bed with my half open (or half closed) eyes. It was Krishtikar on the call. I wondered why he called me at that time of the day, hes aware of my shift timings and had never tried reaching me during my sleep. I thought to myself that it should be something urgent and picked the call.
Me : umm…krishti…what da?
He : Daa, you have to come to my house. I have got to show you something.
Me : What is it da? Are you alright?
He : I am fine man ! But I need you here urgently ! Its something for your blog. You will love it. You know I don’t call you unless it’s that exciting. I am sure you will write about it !
Me : Yawwwn…it better be good, brother, or else, I will be snoring over at your place and your family isn’t going to be happy with it.
I must admit, the very mention of blog and post made me all charged up. I got ready in no time and it took me 20 mins to reach his place. From there, he asked me to hop onto his bike and off we went somewhere to the outskirts of Chennai. On the way, I asked him what it was and he replied its something bigger and better than what I had written in my blog so far. I thought to myself, “wow, something bigger and better, huh?”. My expectations grew leaps and bounds. He took me inside a lane and stopped near an old house. Together we went in and surprisingly I was greeted well by the inmates of the house. They were his cousins neighbours sisters husbands colleagues in-laws. Krishti pulled me inside while I was exchanging the formalities and took me inside a dark room. He asked me to shut up when I asked him where the lights are. He went near the bed and asked me to bend over. This time, I was a little apprehensive. I mean, the situations werent looking that good to me for whatever position he wanted me to be in. Krishti then pointed the torch light from his mobile and asked me to check it out —-
BABY RATS, there were 200 of them, all small cute ones, hugging each other, probably trying to find warmth from each other. That was indeed a sight, I had never seen such so many babies in my life before. I searched for the mother, it was no where in sight. It looks like the mother abandoned these babies when she came to know that more than half of the babies were of female ones. The dad finished his ‘work’ long ago and left somewhere. Now these babies are all alone, and his cousins neighbours sisters husbands colleagues in-laws have to take care of them.
Your Comments :
Hitchy : First !!! Off to read the post.
200 babies, must have been quite an effort for everyone Wonder who the father is !! Bhaagooo !!! Btw, Please visit my photoblog !
Swaram : Awwwww….200 babies !!! Me and Su have booked tickets to chennai to see them.
Rashmi : awwwwww…. You and Su are going to see the rats ?? Very sweeet.
Pixie : awwwwww….look at you both awwwwing. (hugs)
OG : I am on a blog break. And I couldn’t read the post. But classiccu post aliyaaa 
IHM : First !!!
Hitchy : Fourth is the new first ???
IHM : No father and mother? And the mother deserted the babies because more than half of them were females??? I should write a post on this and from the comments I receive for that post, I will write another post ! This shouldn’t be happening.
Aaarti : Romba vettiya officila ?? I tried calling you, you should atleast respond to my sms !
Deeps : Hilarious!! but didn’t read the post yet. Will be back.
Indyeah : I myself don’t know from where I am commenting. But will be back someday for my mahabharat length comment.
Kanagu : Awwww….Good one bro ! So, can you keep the babies with you? When we meet the next time, can you give me some?
Anish : We had a similar incident here in Chennai because of our bachelor home. Between, did you find the mother and father?
Neha : Hey, mention their exact birthday. Will dedicate a birthday post. So what if its belated? I get a post !
Reema : Interesting post !
Sakhi : Krishtikar?? Sounds very much like one of my characters, I thought only I come up with weird names!
Rakesh Vanamaali : After OG, now Krishtikar, huh? Vimmuuu, when will you stop mentioning your adventures with guys in your blog ?
Poonam : Thank you for mentioning about Avant Garde Bloggie Awards. Oh wait, you didn’t mention, is it ? Sorry, wrong post !
Solilo : I wrote about empty nest. Now you have written about a full nest. Awww..you have pink panther ring tone. How sweet! How old are you ? Muhahahahahaha !!!
Pixie : awwwwwww …..so many babies ? did you name any of them ? name them randomly like random, more random, more and more random.
Swaram : Awwww….what sweet names!! (Hugs)
Just call me ‘A’ : You should have called me too. I wouldve taken a lot of snaps that doesn’t include their faces !
Rashmi : Only you can come up with such a post !
Hitchy : standard comment in the blog samaj.
Mystery : I am reading all ur posts but unable to comment very busy.
Ashwathy : You didn’t mention that it was me who taught you the spelling of Rats. And you are getting married in two months and you went to see babies in someone elses home? Are you sure your fiance is ok with this? I mean, so many babies ! In london……….
Sujith : So many comments in such a short span. I think I should write another post on you!!
Hitchy : For a change, you could write about me. I am more popular with the girls.
Bhargavi : You cant come for bloggers meet, but you can go to see rats !
Smita : Are you sure you are not responsible for all those babies? You didn’t mention anything about the dad, that’s why ! Roti kapda aur makaan ! hum dil de chuke sanam ! mukkadar ka sikandar ! john johnny janaardanan. Hai na Bolo Bolo Tell Tell ???
Vishesh : 
Oorja : Whats the proof that you saw the rat babies? No photographs! You still havnt shown your engagement pics.
Chatterbox : Is there a mango tree nearby? No reason. Just asked.
Destination Infinity: Baby Rats are called pups or kittens in US and UK respectively. Yes, the western people are complicated.
Chiranjib : A nice insight into the life of the ones deserted.
Varunavi : Awwwww….so many babies. It must have been a good sight – small rats hugging ! I want some too.
Crafty : *crafty books the next flight to chennai to see the babies, not even realising she is in her polka dotted lungi. On reaching Vimmuuus cousins neighbours sisters husbands colleagues in-laws home, crafty runs around looking for rat babies but cant find them*
Crafty = 
; Rat babies = ; Everyone = 
Asha : vere oru paniyum illaa le ? eliyeyum thavaleyum pidikkaan nikkaa? pakshe bhaagyam, your fotos are not there. Phew !
Deepti : No bathroom tales this time?
Indy : I wont comment about rats. I am a burqawali staying in HK who is a teetotaler.
Shruthi : Did you sing any song to the rats mother and father? Why arent they anywhere nearby?
Oxy Boyy : Vimmuuu boyyy, this time, somebody else is on a roll. 200 babies !!
Verbivorehere : I am sure even the rats would have run away the next day after seeing you. Anyone who sees you would get scared. I got scared.
Pal: What all pains we go through in writing a post, right? Great post. Hoping to see the photographs of the rats some days. Your wedding is making you write on all this ??
Sakshi : *sakshi books the next flight to chennai to see the babies, not even realising she is in her polka dotted lungi. On reaching Vimmuuus cousins neighbours sisters husbands colleagues in-laws home, sakshi runs around looking for rat babies but cant find them*
Sakshi = ; Rat babies = ; Everyone =
*after commenting sakshi realises that hers and craftys comment are always similar. Sakshi faints*
Savitha : What a house? Are they going to set some record ? But I appreciate the effort you took to go all the way there and then publish this post ! eppadi idellaam?
Smitha : Sorry for coming in late. My reader got jammed. After boiling water, washing clothes, now a post on babies ! Are you getting ready for your marriage ?
Uma : Again, a silly post. When will this guy write something useful other than bathrooms and posts like this. I cant show my daughters this post ! What will I tell them now?
Nimmy : These days I am so late for commenting. Will be back after reading the post.
W.I.A.N. : Commenting from mobile. So can’t say more, but a blockbuster post.
Rakesh : Awwww, NO , ewwwwwwwww !!! Rats !!! 200 of them ?? Bro, is that a zoo or a home? Please call the Terminator or the Rat busters.
Barring all the reloaded posts that I put up during my vacation and also those comment disabled posts, this is my 199th post here in V-Lokam. I am done with my 200th post as well and I am pretty excited about it. Oh btw, I had already applied for an anticipatory bail for all the mega leg pulling at some of you in it
I wanted to make my 199th post special too. A recap post with a few of my older posts isn’t a bad idea, huh? Well, I am not going to bore any of you with my old posts. This post would take you to some of the moments that went behind the creation of a few posts that are close to my heart and the ones that had been lauded by some of you.
PS : Click on the title to read the original post (except for ‘When I underwent sex change’ and ‘Stars Scream Awards’ for which the links are mentioned separately). Yeah! yeah! go on! some cheap publicity for my older posts. Pfft !
Clothes encountered
Working title : 3 shirts and a pant
The whole washing incident mentioned in the post is true. The same clothes got washed thrice in a week and all I wanted was to put forward my stupidity through the post. Somehow while writing the post, it just struck me express the plight of those clothes through dialogues. Even then, I never had intentions to give out a message of racism or inequality through the clothes, but it just happened that way as I wrote it. I, sometimes, start with some topic and that goes into a totally different direction while writing and finally ends up as a post which I hadn’t even thought of.
I was really tensed after publishing the post. I am not kidding, but there have been days where I had been nervous and where I have had sleepless nights thinking about the initial reaction from the public soon after publishing a post. Similar to what all those movie makers feel on Fridays ! But to my surprise it was well received and even my boss liked it very much. He later mentioned in front of my colleagues that its difficult to imagine vimal the blogger and vimal the actual person !
Seven wonders
Working title and the first title : I wonder…
I was bed ridden for almost two weeks with a strange eye disease and I had nothing better to do. I was lying on my bed and was looking up at the ceiling when a few random thoughts and questions came over in my mind. Got up and immediately jotted down in a word document. That’s it ! Neither an introduction nor a conclusion for the post and not much of thought process involved in the post, but I consider this as one of my craziest best !
Changed the title to Seven wonders when I realized from the comments that I had wondered seven times in the post !
HORRORscope
The idea to write a post on horoscope and astrology originated in my mind somewhere in 2008 when one of my educated friends mentioned that its ok to delay ones pregnancy considering the babys horoscope. Don’t know what kept me away from writing it, but what provoked me to publish this post this year in March was the news on that Mumbai business idiot who raped his daughter on an astrologers advise. Simultaneously, the verdict on another idiot who murdered his employee listening to his astrologer also came out.
This post, which according to me is one of my best written till date, happens to be my last serious post on social issues, with no elements of my regular tomfoolery. Its not that I don’t like writing on these lines anymore, I feel that there are better bloggers here to write them. I am going to stick onto my usual way until something really good strikes my head again.
Sorry my lord, I didn’t mean to harass her !!
Working title : We need a voice too !!
This post came out from one of my train journeys to Kerala. There was a middle aged woman in my compartment and I accidentally dropped a bottle thereby garnering her attention which according to a notice in the train falls under women harassment ! There have been a lot of instances where we men have been falsely accused on charges of harassment and this post was aimed only at that. Moreover, these days, we men get harassed too; though such cases are minimal. As mentioned in the comments section of that post, its time we used the word ‘person’ instead of ‘woman’ in that notice. Equality, anyone?
When I underwent sex change.
When Solilo tagged me to list down my crushes if I were a girl, I was a bit reluctant to even try it; she wanted us to include SRK and Farhan Akhtars!! Then when I started it, I thought I would do it like everyone else. But the devil in me woke up. This was my first opportunity to hit back at the Don publicly after all the defaming she had done at various blogs prior to that tag. I created a whole new story concept for the tag where in our Don Solilo was projected as a dumb mad scientist who creates a sex change machine, Switcheroo and I become a victim to her experiments. The tag was one in two parts; in the first part I get converted into a eunuch and in the second part, I become a pregnant woman. The only reason why I brought that eunuch part in the tag was to include SRK in the list and irritate his female fans over here. The tag had Solilos lill daughter Peanut in a special and important appearance.
Easily one of my most favourite posts; I enjoyed wholeheartedly while articulating it and even more when I had to respond to all that insane comments. When I knew that both the parts went well with the readers, I included a deleted scenes version of the tag too.
Click on the parts to read : Part 1, Part 2, Deleted Scenes
I killed him
Working title and the first title – I am a murderer
A couple of months ago when I mentioned somewhere (I don’t remember if its in any of my post or in any of your posts as a comment) that these days we write a post even if w kill an insect, I was actually taking a dig at this post of mine. Though the entire narration in the post is a lot dramatized, the actual incident of killing an insect in the same way did happen. After ‘sabotaging’ my enemy who successfully disrupted my peace of mind for a few days, the first thought that ran into my head was, “Woah, I should blog about this” !! Now that the suspense of the post is revealed, you wouldn’t find it interesting to read unless you love going through a lot of ‘build –ups’ !
A few weeks after publishing the post, I was casually checking my stats when I found that someone had landed up at the post through google searching for – “I am a murderer” ! I was curious to know where my post appeared in the search results and so even I googled using the same key words. Surprisingly, there was a similarly narrated post written a year before this post of mine with the same title; but his version had a cockroach as the victim. Guess theres someone who thinks and behaves like me ! I then changed the title to the present one, ‘cuz I didn’t want to face any charges of plagiarism.
Stars Scream Awards 2008
Star Scream Awards was an attempt to recognize the worst performers of the Bollywood fraternity. While writing the post, I made up my mind to make the entire write up different from the previous years Vilm Fair Awards. In Vilm Fair Awards, I declared the best performer awards though the entire post was a dig at the celebrities. The post was neither here nor there.
The two-part post had the celebrities and the bloggers in my blogroll back then interacting, which culminated into an anti-climax involving the Ram Senas.
This would again feature under one of my favs; one because it was tough writing the script combining the antics of some of the celebrities and bloggers and also because I got to know a few more bloggers who are my regulars now.
Click on the parts to read : Nomination, Part 1, Part 2
My first post on cooking !
Working title : Hickery – Cookery dock !
This post came up when a few bloggers wrote posts on cookery and on their favourite sport. I could not even comment properly in any of those blogs just because I didn’t have enough knowledge on any of those So I decided to write a spoof on either cooking – ‘Boiling Water’ or on a popular game – ‘Hide and Seek’. I chose the former because the latter needed a few more volunteers to complete the post. The photos were taken at around 4 in the morning and the post was published at 5 am. I went to bed with the intention of sleeping but I was up by 8 am itself. As usual, I was tensed and nervous to know how the responses were. But all that tension paid off; Blogadda picked it up for their Spicy Saturday picks and I received the highest ever comments for the post – 423 !!
Btw, I have one more spoof in my mind on one of the popular genres here. Cant reveal now and spoil the fun !
Sometimes…
One such post where we let the pictures speak for itself. The pictures clearly represented my state of mind during those days; blank, confused, dark, and what not ! One such day when I was riding back home from office at around 4 –ish in the morning, I came across that funny sight. I first smiled at it, which reminded me of my life and then, immediately took pictures with the help of my colleague.
V-Lokam : Behind the curtain
Working title – ‘Whats in a title?’
Oh yes, this post itself wasn’t supposed to be this way. For my 199th post, I just wanted to write a post linking a few of my old posts and mentioning their initial/working title. But when I reread the content, I got bored myself and knew that no one would be interested to just know what the original title was. So included the back stage story of almost 20 posts and when it came unto 7 pages, I edited, deleted and boiled it down to 10 posts (excluding this). You all just read the final version, now leave your feedback !
